100 likes, 1000 notes, 10k followers, internet fame won’t make you happy

I’ve never really had it. But I feel like a part of me’s always wanted it.

There’s always been envy. I’ve looked at people my age, even younger (that angered me more), living lives I’ve only ever thought were attainable in my dreams. They’re travelling the world on Youtube money, further cashing in on those trips by documenting them for later. Editing them on their $2500+ Macbooks, sipping on their Instagram Detox Teas and fumbling with their teeth whitening apparatuses. These people know their demographic. They’ve calculated the perfect booty: tit thumbnail ratio, displayed enough of their sexuality and participated in every challenge to configure a widespread mass of guppies feeding into the money pit of monetization… (I mean, the say anything challenge. What the heck is that. People eat that shit up?). This has really been a driving force for me to avoid social media. I wasn’t able to watch anything online because I wanted that life, but I didn’t have it. It’s always been envy.

It’s a sad reality that a notification can bring you so much joy in a moment. I remember having it be a GOAL of mine to reach 100 likes on a Facebook profile picture. It was a DREAM of mine to get at least 1000 notes on Tumblr and even now, it’s hard seeing a K in a young person’s Instagram following because I don’t have one. We want more. We want fame. We want money. We want notoriety and confirmation and assurance that we’re good enough. But nothing will ever be good enough.

The amount of empty challenges, hauls or makeup tutorials I’ve almost brought myself to post for more subscribers makes my soul sob. None of it would have been for me. I wanted to do it for money. I wanted a mass following to shower me in compliments. I wanted that middle ground level of fame where people recognized me and adored me… but not enough to have paparazzi follow my every move. Yet, it didn’t even take me a second of living this lifestyle to know that no amount of fame can bring me true genuine contentment. I’ve searched for satisfaction in my life for so long that I hadn’t realized this isn’t the way to achieve it.

“I wish everyone could get rich and famous and everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that’s not the answer” – Jim Carrey

Honestly, don’t do something just for money or fame. I love creating but I can’t let myself succumb to creating for the sole purpose of achieving a number. There must be meaning in your life as in your work. It’s okay to be selfish. If giving out a discount code for a watch or working all day investing finances makes you truly happy, then go for it. It’s all about doing what you feel is right because your self worth and happiness is what matters most. Do what feels right. Not just for fame. Not just for fortune.

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