never let someone have you question your worth

I’m a hopeless romantic and lover of people. I put my all into every new relationship in the hopes of having amazing friends for good times, positive vibes and the right influence. With that, I’ve always seen the good in people, to a point in which I’ve been ignorant to disappointment and never let it define the future of these relationships. But to no avail, I’ve let stupid shit happen to me time and time again.

I hit this ultimate realization when I dated someone for 365 days, presumably a long distance relationship, but barely one at that. This was the longest I had ever been romantically involved with another person and my goodness was it a shitty way to start the streak. He feared the distance, didn’t want to risk the heart break and was relentlessly avoiding the effort of communication. I let him ignore me, let him put in half assed effort and basically let him control my life. I thought I could change him. And that really should have been the first sign.

I was so hopeful that it would get better. I stayed patient, giving him the benefit of the doubt. But hitting that one year mark was the final straw. How did I let myself play through this torture for so long? So… I ended it and knew from that point forward that I deserve so much fucking more than whatever the hell that was. Now, through all walks of life, I’m more mindful of how I’m treated. My love is endless, but exclusive. You must deserve it to receive it. And if he’s good enough for my mind, he’s good enough for my body.

The same shit happened with former friends. I would pour myself into them and let their lives consume me. I gave them my empathy and advice. I listened to so much pointless ranting that my mind yearned for genuine conversation. I’ve slowly become absent.

There’s this incomparable fulfillment in giving… But can I just ask you a question? Yeah? Okay… am I a fucking library book? Waiting to be checked out? To be used, put back and only taken out when it’s convenient?

Fuck no. I understand my worth now. Familiarize yourself with your own.

“But do you think maybe in this important period in your life (where you’re beginning to grow a lot and making a lot of changes), that it would be more beneficial to focus on yourself? And if you were to let someone in in that way, that it would be someone who’s strong enough to help you grow. Someone who could help balance and strengthen you. Instead of someone that you would have to hold up and who has up until this point only made you question your worth?”

Absolutely. Your future partner should NEVER make you feel any less attractive, intelligent or important.

(Thank you, Juniper. I needed that.)

Never let someone have you question your worth. Know it, familiarize yourself with it and stand by it, always.

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