how to cut off your ‘friends’
Do your friends flake on you last minute? Do they genuinely prioritize you? Or just hit you up when they need something? Are they pessimistic and judgemental? Do you feel as though you need to suppress your emotions or pretend to be someone else around them?
If any of these statements resonate with you than it’s time to review your life choices and the people who feel like they have a say in them.
Here’s a little analogy I put together. You are a farmer. All your friends are farmers. We all grow a certain type of vegetation and look to share them in equal parts with our farmer friends. Now, think of your crop as your personality, your energy, your time and your loyalty. You look to acquire the same amount from your friends. They offer their crop. You consume it. And thus, you build up your strength, energy as well as your mental wellbeing. Now, lets say one of your little farmer friends grows the shittiest corn around, yet, you’ve been sharing your bomb ass potatoes for years. You’re wasting your time offering them a part of your crop (a part of you). Whereas, all they give in return is garbagio. Now, by continuing to accept this unfair exchange, your energy is depleting. The influence of their crop is now reflecting upon your own. You’re both left with a horrible season, and gastrointestinal disease.
But beyond this little fence is your newest best friend. She’s got vegetables you’ve never even heard of before. You learn from her, you grow with her, and you’re more than happy to share with her. Now, what in tarnations were you doing goofing about with Brenda’s corn? Did you even realize this was possible? That you deserve so much better?
If you’re someone who doesn’t like conflict, then cutting someone off from your life is a feat in an of itself. Especially the friendships that have been cultivated with time.
Diminish Your Time With Them
Right now, you don’t necessarily have to drop them, but diminish the time spent with them. By shortening the time spent together, you’re slowly fading away from them like the lights at a start of a movie, you don’t really notice it. Eventually, some people do notice. So, if you feel like you need to, be honest with them.
Explain Your Side
Being left completely in the dark by someone you considered a friend is not really the nicest feeling in the world. If you feel that they deserve to know the truth, then share yours. It’s not up to you to spare their feelings at the cost of your own. Who knows, maybe they’ll lash out on you and think you’re a horrible person OR maybe you guys can change the trajectory of your relationship into a more transparent and pleasant experience OR maybe you’ve just gifted this person the right tools to go into future relationships with a deeper sense of self-awareness and love. Either way, closure for both parties is a good idea.
Out with the Old, In with the New
Explore the world and find your tribe. It can be easy to fall back into your comforts. But to fill your time and energy with people and hobbies that fulfill you, give you the chance to further develop yourself, instead of taking a snake in the life of snakes and ladders. Go out, find a hobby, join a club or a sports team. Go to an event. Travel and live in a hostel. Get the tinder version for friends. Reach out to old friends you really fricked with.
Change the pace of your life. You are in control. Don’t settle for what feels comfortable.
What’s stopping you?