being a dick is okay as long as you are not the dick
“What did you just say to me? What the fuck did you just say to me back there?”
“wow, she must be having a bad day”
“no, what the fuck did you just say to me back there. I’m not feeling very well yeah, but what did you just say to me back there??”
“I said WOW she must be having a bad day”
And with that, the cranky coat check lady kissed her teeth and walked away with the vigour of an 8 year old on a tantrum.
Yes, I could be mad. In fact, instinctively, I was. So many others could have escalated the situation, taking her offensive approach as a threat. But I’m only left wondering what her upbringing must have been like, why she thought that attacking people she’s never met before would make her feel any better. It’s clear to me that she’s unhappy. It takes a lot of energy to hate and in this situation, she found a way to have a power trip over coat hangers and winter wear.
In my honest opinion, hatred to this degree is a learned behaviour. You don’t lash out on people because it’s natural to you and your DNA. You lash out on people because people have lashed out on you. That’s why I find it incredibly disheartening seeing parents yell at little kids or tug them around. They’re showing them that this is the proper way to deal with a situation, in an endless feedback they’ll likely show their kids one day.
We’ve all had those days where everybody/thing ticks us off. But at the end of the day, we can reflect on the fact that they had absolutely nothing to do with it. They (probably) personally did not make you feel that way. Now, shifting this approach to rude strangers, a disgruntled racist elderly on the subway probably isn’t as fucked up as they seem. They may have developed a mental illness or faced extreme adversity growing up. They may have had self confidence issues and found it necessary to adapt to a perfect cookie cutter society. Either way, in all these situations, you can be the better person for overlooking their negligence. We can only progress in society through awareness. By transferring your energy from anger to understanding, you’ll find peace with yourself and with these people. (PLUS, all they want is a reaction. They need something to pour their stress into, when in reality, all they really need is someone to listen. I’m sure they’d be a pleasure to talk to if you set aside your differences).
In no way will you live into old age without having witnessed real life prejudice or confrontation (unless you live in a hole). From envy, diversity, orientation, ethnicity, disability, gender, religion… it’s just life. Shit happens. And it’s impossible to satisfy everybody because we are ALL so different. In this way, we are all free to share, hear and express our own opinions. It’s just up to you in how you receive it. Phobic insinuation or dickhead behaviour may sting momentarily, but in no way do these opinions truly affect your life. You are so much more than what someone thinks of you. Step away and move up. We are all imperfect people, so we must remain open minded to our differences.
On that note, here is what we should all mentally denote in light of hatred.
Oprah, baby, you continue to fuck me up (in good ways).