being self-absorbed will take you far in life
preoccupiedbeing concerned with one’s own feelings, interests, or situation.
After a pretty rough past few months, I’ve gathered deep insight into this idea of honouring every side of oneself. I’ve learned that beyond all form, you are your first:
Best Friend + Parent + Lover & Child
Integrating this mentality into my daily life was what accounted for my most transformative years. To be one’s own best friend, parent, lover and child, means to treat one’s self as such. It was the day that I objectively looked at myself, beyond thought, into a state of pure existential awareness, that I began to look and speak differently to myself. My self-deprecating attitude seemed to dilute from my internal dialogue as I became more aware of my previous habits. Negative self-talk would soon after be met with maternal encouragement. Looking into the mirror was no longer a shameful display of body shame, prying at the fat on my stomach (that’s made wearing any tight clothing a near impossibility growing up). I transmuted criticism into gratitude. I learned how to love myself, and spoke to myself as kindly as a lover would. Now, embarrassment is seen as an opportunity to unravel the conditioned fear of my (self) rejecting past.
Don’t take life so seriously.
Taking Care of Myself
I am Mama G, nurturing my inner child, nourishing her in any and every way. She works hard now, because her baby deserves the fucking best. I work hard now, so I can relax later. I’ve also learned to disregard thoughts of lack, and maintain a gratitude attitude state of mind. We are so abundant, when we compare ourselves to those who have nothing at all. The state of having enough, is something we all need to remind ourselves of.
The Inevitable Suffering
When life started to turn into a storm, on amount of family illness and being triggered left right and centre in a constant state of pure anxiety, I used my sweet tooth, shopping, Instagram, and about 37 hobbies to keep any pain at bay. It was a silly cycle. Waste time, eat shitty food and buy shit with money I don’t have to avoid feelings that will inevitably manifest in some way or another. Only to dwindle into a deeper depression because of the additional problems, no time, lethargy, poor body image and larger debt.
It Needs to Get Worst Before It Gets Better
There will always be periods of immensely hard emotions. Grievance, pain, suffering, that’s all a part of the experience. I mean, you didn’t ask to be put on the ride, but it’s your response-ability to deal with the ups and downs. Just know that it can be really fun, if you let yourself see it that way.
What really helped bring me back to Earth was having a couple of overwhelming breakdowns. I felt very vulnerable, needing space to express what I’d repressed. It’s every child’s birth right to live carefree, ever present, away from the overthought of scarcity and pain. So, the hardships finally had their way with me. And that inner child yearned for comfort. Finally breaking down what I was so adamantly avoiding, I cried and cried and cried. I wept, and slept to reset and awaken to a new earth. I reached out for advice, but found that my own voice had been the loudest.
Why create stress over something that won’t magically improve itself with worry?
Being My Own Mother
I put on my mama pants and consoled that lost and poor little girl. I told her how beautiful, talented and worthwhile she is. That the best is yet to come. That these feelings will subside. That we must experience the worst before it can truly get better. Without sadness, happiness wouldn’t be as beautiful as it is. It’s so important to feel these things, being mindful that this too shall pass. The greatest times of our lives await us. Never forget what we have.
Assuming this motherly role helped me dissolve loneliness. I wouldn’t allow my child, lover or best friend go through something horribly alone. So, why would I do that to myself? It may sound strange, but talk to yourself. I’m sure you’ve already done it before. Everybody does. Deal with what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. Practise self-love daily. Listen. Listen to the body, and listen to intuition. With no eyes (awareness) to see the truth, we live blindly in this dreamstate.
Help yourself help your self. You are so much more than you think.