lost again, but who’s really looking

It’s happening again.

I’m feeling lost.

I’ve been ringing my neck, surrounding myself with a plethora of certain people.. er, people who are certain. But I’ve come to realize that.. not everybody really knows what they’re doing. In fact, I’m not sure if everybody even really does.

January 2017, I felt like a stray. I had no path in mind, no place to be. Following routine like it were my only belongings. Turns out these feelings of inadequacy go far deeper than having no place to be.

During high school Anthropology, I found out about this structure. This guideline in which we have to follow and fulfill these needs to progress. Who knew they’d actually be helpful.

maslow-pyramid.jpg

This is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. We can surmise the basis of our struggles. Have we successfully fulfilled one portion to be able to concentrate on accomplishing the next? As for me, I’m finding holes.

I feel as if I’m being held back from life.. or at least I’ve let myself believe this to be true. For the basis of my physiological needs.. I may have water, warmth and a place to rest for the night, yet, I’m still convinced my circumstances can be better.. and that it’s up to me to change my life in every way to finally achieve it. But above all, why am I discontent with what I have now? Maybe my privileges aren’t appreciated because I’ve had them all my life. A simple comparison to a life I could be living can transform this mindset into one I should already embody. I have all the tools I could need and still, the biggest block is my mind. Nothing’s stopping me, but me.

Every sector of this triangle goes hand in hand with this mentality. Some things take time to achieve and opportunities to pursue. When really, that’s what life is all about. It would be boring to have it all laid out for us. We need the struggle to appreciate the bliss.

Thus, financial success (the main motive for most) may grant us a feeling of security. When truly, it may not be enough.

A friend I recently met told me that art is the only reoccurring form of fulfilment. You can buy whatever you want and eventually have that happiness wear off. In contrast, once you create something, it’s like biting into an abundance of sweet fruit. It’s satisfying and endlessly fulfilling. You can only grow from there. Our main goal isn’t money (at least it shouldn’t be). Money comes and goes, we’ll find ways to make ends meet. It’s in creation.

I know now how important it is to care about creation.. with no pressure of deadlines, where creation is meant for development and awareness.

I’m done stressing out about the constructs placed on me. I’m not lost. This fear isn’t real. I’ve only just allowed myself to believe it.

Fuck it. I control my destiny.

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