self-love routines should be as frequent as showering
You always feel better after the fact.
With my first free Friday in a long while, my heart was set on self-care. Being in a constant state of ambitious yearning has lead to a mind flooded with alarms, making any free space of time a moment dedicated to any form of productivity. So, I decided to experience discomfort in hopes of experiencing growth. This follows the law of counter intuition (or counter productivity). Working less will help me work more, because taking a break will recharge me, and give me more of a sense of urgency when it comes time to actually getting work done (Parkinson’s law).
are you being busy, or are you being productive?
Excuses are Just Safety Nets For Our Fear of Failure
Excuses would come as naturally as childbirth. But my ideas were half-baked and premature to say the least. One after the another, a flurry of light bulbs sparked. But the graveyard of unhatched ideas lay dormant as I continued living with as minimal effort as possible.The sense of urgency wasn’t strong enough for me to want to do anything. Even a prospect for more would be matched with the fear that my efforts would be surpassed or poorly received. It was the fear of rejection (especially from myself) that really held me back. A risk can lead you down a million pathways. Yet, comfortable monotony sang sweetly like a lullaby, enchanting me to the warm comfort of my bed. Safety. Which gets old after a while. Sweet results or plummeting into failure? Either way, what lies ahead of risk is a form of fulfillment that no level of instant gratification can bring.
As I read The Courage To Be Disliked, the philosopher shared a story in which he had a student come to him for advice. She expressed her intense longing to be with a man. But her constant blushing made her too shy and embarrassed to confess her feelings. The philosopher then exclaimed that if he took away her blushing, she would wish for it back.
Being in Loveless Relationships, Forced Me to Self-love
Through the years, I had gone through many house of glass ‘relationships’ that were rooted in attraction and admiration. It would start off as infatuation, while the lovers friendship would have to funnel itself into authenticity after all the lovey dovey wumbo jumbo. I had become set on this idea of partnership and found that infatuation turned out to be an exhaustive display of dependency. The addictive nature of infatuation leads one to look outside of themselves for love and validation. Their partner turns into a crutch for their self worth. After enough of these broken relationships crumble before me, I learned to be cautious around similar patterns.
If you can develop feelings as fast as you have, then what’s stopping you from losing them at the same pace?
After having partners lose this infatuated state with me, I lost this sense of security. Upon realizing this, I decided to look back into practise I had overlooked for so long. Rediscovering myself. It’s easy to spend any bit of free time doing things that make you laugh in the moment, but what recharges you? What elevates you? What brings you closer to your own peace?
Nothing is worth the decline of your mental health. One thing I started asking myself in the past few days, before I made any decision, is: is this an act of self-love? If It is, do it; if not, fuck it. It really helps, even for small things like eating and watching a show.
Thank you, Pandora Skyes. Easily, one of the greatest pieces of advice I had ever received.
What Does Self-love Look Like To You?
Are you using your phone with intention? Do you spend your time contributing towards your knowledge? Every human yearns for growth. Do you recharge alone or with people? For most, it’s a mix of both. For a while, I would work 11-7pm shifts during my day offs from school. So, I was constantly exerting my time and energy outside of the comfort of my home. When I did come home, all I would want to do is eat some fast (likely unhealthy) food so I had more time to myself (to do nothing), and watch some mindless videos.
I Am Unemployed And Happier Than Ever
One root of my stagnation was my job. I was spending so much of my time feeling comfortable in a space that was mentally exhaustive (retail), that left me with no creative energy to do with my time what I most desired (writing this blog). Soon after, I realized the biggest form of self-love would be to quit that job. And so I did. Very few could be so lucky to be able to do such a thing, but it works in the same respect for almost every other facet of life.
Cut off what doesn’t serve you
This is one of the greatest forms of self love. Cut off people that make you feel bad about yourself, that talk shit behind their other peoples’ backs and judge blindly. No more bad habits that perpetuate lethargy and self loathing (shitty food, shitty sleeping habits, shitty self love routines).
The Self-love Routine
A very insightful conversation with my friend Syrus and the trusting word of my loving partner, made me realize how important it is to have a morning routine for yourself. Starting the day by killing a list of accomplishments makes every day an undeniable success. It takes 21 days to form a habit, and here is mine.
I made it into my phone screen so it would be seamless reference.
1. Regenerate. Take your supplements.
I take a shot of apple cider vinegar mixed with water (so the acidity is lighter on my teeth). A teaspoon of unrefined salt mixed with water. B complex. Vitamin D3. Bromelain. Oregano Oil and echinacea.
2. Breathe. Practise Wim Hof breathing technique.
The Wim Hof breathing technique is proven to alkalinize the body. It is the optimal way to put yourself in the right mind state for meditation.
Meditation for me was SO damn difficult for me. I could never get past the incessant mind chatter, and thought that I would have to battle the overthought every time I planned on sitting in meditation. But, (just like exercise) it got easier with time and practise. In the long run, it’s helped me become a much more mentally balanced individual.
4. Move your body!
Crunches, jumping jacks or pushups, whatever gets your body bumpin. I like to keep it fun and spicy by jacking up my favourite song at the moment and going buck wild crazy in my room.
My favourite song at the moment!
5. Get ready.
If this is a day that’s filled with appointments, classes or meet ups, this is where I would take my shower, shlap on some face enhancing products and generally make my avatar feel nice.
Integral for setting the mark for the day. I write down my intentions, what I want to feel for the day, who I want to be (a better partner, friend, or leader etc). And some goals for myself.
Without fail, I’m always reading at least 2-3 books at one time. Reading is my constant act of growth, acquiring knowledge from different people all over the world. It is something so important to me, as I base a lot of my understandings to reading. I plan on reading 50 books in 2019!
Self love should be regarded as a mandatory practise. When we load ourselves with the diverse tribulations of life, our body’s react to how we feel, building tension on our neck, shoulders, back, memory, sleeping habits. It comes full circle. If we can come back to ourselves, the stress grows less. Self prioritization, because it’s much easier to love everything and everyone, when we are rooted in love with ourselves.